Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Awesomeness of Carl's Jr.'s Kentucky Bourbon Six Dollar Burger

Over at Yahoo there's an article talking about new high-calorie fast food items although it's not very interesting - if you've seen one of these lists bitching about how fat people in America are getting and how it's all the fast food companies fault and BLAH BLAH BLAH, you've pretty much seen them all. This stupid shit about counting calories and fat and whatever the "health risk" flavor of the day is at that particular moment is completely ridiculous. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT THE FOOD THEN DON'T FUCKING EAT IT! I'm sure most people in this world realize that there's a limit on the amount of food they should eat and when they've crossed it. Complaining and acting like you know what's best for everyone makes you a, well, A DEMOCRAT! And also annoying and stupid and no one will ever like you. The End.

Oh yeah, and Carl's Jr.'s new Kentucky Bourbon Six Dollar Burger is delicious. And you know it...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Susan Boyle Isn't Ready To Be Forgotten Yet

It seems like people have really started to forget about Susan Boyle lately. Blame the insane media frenzy surrounding her over the past few months. Blame the fact that she hasn't been able to spread her wings and do what she wants to do, making her seem like a one-trick-pony (contractual obligations have prevented her from being able to sing ANY song that she didn't previously sing on Britain's Got Talent). Just don't blame HER. She didn't ask for any of this - She just wanted the opportunity to sing, get her beautiful voice heard, and maybe find some sort of audience. It's not her fault that the news media are vicious, hungry sharks just waiting for the next big thing that comes their way to feed on and suck completely dry.

Susan Boyle isn't going anywhere. With any luck she'll stop receiving news coverage every time she walks outside, and she'll definitely show us all why we liked her to begin with once her new CD comes out.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Grab Your Hamburgers With a Handy Hamburger-Grabber

Yep, you read that title right. Thanks to the recent phenomenon of answers to problems that no one in the world has, there is now a concept design for a device which, depending on your personality, is either genius, preposterous, useless, or maybe somewhere between. Allow me to introduce you to the CHOMPr hamburger grasper, which according to the press release is "a conceptual hamburger grasping device for high-end restaurants." Looking like two coffee tables held together by those pins you get from Ikea to keep your cabinets from collapsing on themselves, the CHOMPr wants to calm the conflict between the less-than-delicate process of eating a hamburger and formal, suit-and-tie surroundings.

To some, whether you need a hamburger grasping utensil besides the ones at the ends of your arms is sort of, well, stupid. But it does raise a very interesting etiquette question, because it adresses the issues of the use of utensils as an element of table manners and hands as a dimension of utensils. In the first case, utensils are a part of modern civilization exactly because they are not your hands, and the invention of utensils has followed a path more or less coinciding to the Industrial Revolution, reaching the boiling point in the Victorian era, when a fully outfitted silver trousseau set could span the gamut at around more than 500 pieces.

Why I'm the coolest person in the world...

Yesterday I traveled back in time and stopped myself from being born.

The day before that I walked to the moon.

I can turn into a werewolf if I want to bad enough.

I'm my mother's father.

I invented elbows.

You're all just figments of my imagination and I can make you disappear just by wishing it so.